When my father-in-law was diagnosed with stage 4 colorectal cancer in November, I scoured my local library and Amazon, as well as asked on Facebook for books that might help me introduce, demystify, and hopefully comfort my little girl on the illness and impending death of her grandfather. We had no idea his cancer would progress so quickly and that we would lose him only 6 weeks later. My husband has not felt ready to read these books with Tee yet, but I’ve been reading them and discussing them with her.
I know many of us with young children are coping with similar situations, so I wanted to share some of the books that I found helpful in our circumstances. It doesn’t have to be the death of a grandparent specifically, of course. Most of these books would apply just as well to the loss of any loved one or even a pet.
If you’re in the same boat as us, please accept my condolences. I know how hard it has been for us, and it’s my sincere hope that you’ll find something here that can make it a little easier for you and your children.
Nana Upstairs and Nana Downstairs
by Tomie dePaola (Putnam Juvenile)
This classic story is based on Tomie dePaola’s own childhood memories of his grandmother and great-grandmother. Little Tommy has a wonderful relationship with his great-grandmother, and when she dies, he is very sad but learns to keep her close in his memory.
Badger’s Parting Gifts
by Susan Varley (HarperCollins)
When old Badger dies, all the animals are very sad, especially Mole. The animals gather to remember Badger and the lessons and gifts he has given them. This lovely book reminds me of Wind in the Willows and encourages children to hold on to and share their memories of loved ones who have died.
Thank You, Grandpa
by Lynn Plourde, illustrated by Jason Cockcroft (Dutton Children’s Books)
This beautiful story follows a little girl and her grandfather through the years as they ramble along on long walks through the woods. The granddaughter learns to say thank you and goodbye to the creatures they find on their walks. When her grandfather becomes very old and dies, she is able to say a special thank you to him.
A Place in My Heart
by Annette Aubrey, illustrated by Patrice Barton (QEB Publishing)
When Andrew’s grandfather dies, he and his parents are very sad. They have a special family dinner of spaghetti with tomato sauce – Grandpa’s favourite – and talk about all of his favourite things and the things they will miss about him. They remember him through pictures and stories, and Andrew realizes that even though he still misses him, his Grandpa will always have a place in his heart.
I Miss You: A First Look at Death
by Pat Thomas, illustrated by Lesley Harker (Barron’s Educational Series)
This book provides an introduction to death as a natural part of life. The simple, matter-of-fact text explains death and normalizes common reactions to a death like sadness, regret, and guilt. The book also describes a funeral and some different beliefs about what might happen after death.
Lifetimes: The Beautiful Way to Explain Death to Children
by Bryan Mellonie, illustrated by Robert Ingpen (Bantam)
This book sensitively explains beginnings and endings in plants, animals, and people, and helps children understand that death is a natural part of life.
Little Bear’s Grandad
by Nigel Gray, illustrated by Vanessa Cabban (Little Tiger)
Little Bear loves listening to his Grandad’s stories. When Grandad is admitted to the hospital, Little Bear visits him, and it’s his turn now to tell Grandad a story. Little Bear and his mother grieve Grandad’s death together, and Little Bear promises to be just as good of a grandad as his own was.
The Invisible String
by Patrice Karst, illustrated by Geoff Stevenson (Devorss & Co.)
When twins Liza and Jeremy are afraid of being alone, their mother teaches them about the invisible string that connects all of us through anger, distance, or even death. This book isn’t specifically about death, but helps children visualize the comforting bond of love that ties us together no matter what.
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Bookmarking this! We saw a dead squirrel a while ago, and I think I handled it well, but always good to read a lot and see what works with your family’s outlook. Thanks!
Our cat died last year, and there were a lot of questions about it. The nice thing about these books is many would also work for family pets or questions about death in general. Lifetimes and Badger’s Parting Gifts would be good for that.
There are some new ones here for me. We use several at a grade school level. My kids have experienced too much grief at a young age. It helps to have books as a way into their life experiences.
I agree stories are a really useful way to help children understand and process their emotions. I saw lots of books that would work for older children, but they were a bit too advanced for my 3 year old, so I was happy to find these simpler books suitable for preschoolers.
Oh my, we are dealing with a lot of death right now. Our kids are becoming way to accustomed to it. But I think that reminding them that it is OK to feel sad is also important.
So sorry to hear that. You’re absolutely right about reminding kids that how they feel is normal and okay. My daughter tells me every day, “I feel sad because Papa died.” I reassure her that’s normal, that we all feel sad too, and offer lots of hugs.
We haven’t dealt with this directly yet but I will be saving this as I know it’s sooner then I would like to think. My FIL passed away before my oldest was born so she never experienced it first hand but we’ve talked about it as she refers to my my MIL as “omie without a papa” and wondered why it was that way.
Unfortunately, that’s so true. With couples waiting longer to have children, more kids are losing their grandparents early on. Since my FIL’s death, my daughter has had a lot of questions about my mother too (she died before the kids were born).
My father-in-law passed away before my children were born. We talk about him all the time and since we believe in heaven it becomes a deep conversation about remembering him and talking about where he is now. I’m sure they would find these books to be interesting and relevant to his experience. Thank you for sharing.
We have used books not only to help our daughters deal with the loss of their grandmother but also with their dad going away to work and the new addition of their baby brother. Super tool to help them 🙂
Thank you for this post, and I’m sorry to hear about your father in law. I’m wondering if you’ve come across any books about losing grandparents before your kids are even born. My mom died of a freakishly quick cancer that took her in only 6 weeks as well, and she ended up dying a month before my first child was born. Now that my daughter is two I have been talking to her a lot about her grandma and she’s asking where she is. A lot of these books you posted seem to be about kids who had a relationship with their grandparent, but I’m wondering about kids like mine that don’t even have a concept of what grandparents are. Any tips would be appreciated.
Hello,
I firstly am sorry for your loss of your loved one. I am a mum of three who lost my father in law to cancer also. My son was very young and struggled to understand and cope with it all as we all did. I decided to write a picture book about the relationship they shared and published it. I would love this book dedicated to my fatherinlaw to find as many families and children that need it. I only hope you may have a look at it if you are looking for another gentle book about love, loss and the power of the bond between children and grandparents. My book is called Grandpa, Grandpa, You’re So Strong! It is available on amazon and many other sites. If you google it it will show where it is available.
I would love for you to read it and hopefully recommend it to others who are needing assistance, support and beautiful meaningful stories that deal with love and loss.
Thank you for your time,
Stephanie.
These all sound like great book to help explain to children the lost of a love one.